Feature photo by Krystal Weir
What are we telling our kids by the way we photograph them? How do we ensure our photography does not foster insecurities in our children? It’s an important question many photographer moms and dads consider on a daily basis. Could we unintentionally be creating or molding confidence issues in our kids by what we say and do as we photograph them? Pro photographer Jen Cooke posed this million-dollar question and here’s what a few seasoned photographers said about this topic:
HOW PHOTOGRAPHER PARENTS PROTECT THEIR KIDS
“It’s a balancing act for me. A lot of the documentary work I shoot I keep to myself, but what I really, really love the most are the portraits that both my children and I collaborate on. When they get involved, it can be a lot of fun. Often my portraits center around an activity so it doesn’t feel forced. I try and get the shot then put the camera away and we finish up the activity together. Also, I’m big on not Photoshopping dirt or food off my children’s faces and bodies. I find it so endearing. And if they don’t want to be photographed, that’s that.” – Megan Loeks
“I make a conscious effort to photograph my children as they are without getting them dressed up or photo ready. I don’t want a photograph to be a chore for them and I don’t want them to think they have to look, act, dress or pose a certain way to get approval or raise a smile from me. As a result, 50 percent of my photos are my kids either half naked or in their PJs! This makes it harder to post and use these photos for certain things, but at the end of the day I’m taking these pictures for us and for them, so it doesn’t matter if they’re not going to win me accolades or be useful for social media.” – Aimee Glucina
“I don’t want to think they have to look, act, dress, or pose a certain way to get approval or raise a smile from me.” – Aimee Glucina
“I do think of how my children could be affected by having a camera pointed in their faces everyday, and that makes me approach them differently when I’m shooting, especially as my big kids get older. I don’t want to be the cause of their insecurities so I have to tread lightly with direction or influencing their appearance. These photos are not only for me, but a visual memory for them so that they can look back and remember who they were at a certain period in their lives, and as much as I would like them looking ‘camera ready’ that’s not their reality.” – Krystal Weir
“I photograph my kids as they are. My daughter and I will go out to do creative shoots that are more set up, but that’s only when we both create an idea. I never ask them to change or dress a certain way or do something picture-perfect, instead I do my best to shoot like a fly on the wall and let them be themselves.” – Anna Hurley
“Each family has its own dynamic. Some kids are going to be more willing to participate in portraits than others. In my case, my kids always hated photos so I decided a while back to stop using them as models. It was straining our relationship and it wasn’t fair for them. Now that they’re older (17 and 20), they are the ones who ask me for pictures.” – Lucy Ketchum
“Years ago, I asked my kiddos if I could take a pic and my oldest immediately conveyed to the younger ones that the drill was to head upstairs and find ‘better clothes.’ It stopped me and changed me. Now they know I want to see and capture them as they are. They love reviewing the photos with their fave character shirts or costumes. I take the documentary first and then I might move a few things out of the frame or ask them if they want to keep going with what they were doing… and if they’re done, we’re done!” – Thao Lai
“I want my kids to have photos of their actual childhood and not an idealized version, so 95 percent of what I shoot of my kids is documentary. Will I close a door or get down low to hide a mess? Sure. Will I ask a kid to brush their hair out of their eyes so I can see them? Sure. Beyond that, I’m just not interested in manipulating reality. We do more stylized portraits a few times a year, and my kids are a part of the planning. We see those as a fun, creative outlet.” – Angela Parker
“I am a few years into a 365. After the first month, I realized that daily shooting can’t work if I am trying to change things for my kid. I need him to just be him, and the house to be the way it is. I don’t change his clothes, I don’t fix his hair, I don’t ask him to change what he is doing. I will give him ideas to get him excited, like ‘Oh you were jumping? Can you do that some more?’ Or ‘That was fun! Can you keep doing that?’ I try so hard not to make him think what he is doing is ‘wrong’ or is in some way displeasing me. Has that happened at some point? Probably. I’m sure I have lost my cool about a lost photo moment. But I do my best to remind myself my son should be observed, not controlled. I do like to use him as a model in a fine art photo every once in a while, and I talk to him about it ahead of time. He’s five, so I just remind him it’s for mom’s work and that it’s optional for him.” – Alexis Fischer
“I want to empower her to love who she is.” – Eileen Critchley
“My kids naturally dress up when we go out. My oldest loves style and his brothers follow. We also love to create and design together and that’s how my kids view it because that’s us. I think it’s all about being authentic to you and your kids.” – Vanessa Campbell
“I gave up using my kids for my creative outlet (and Instagram feed). I felt like it had potential to strain our relationship if I continued to force things and stress out if it didn’t go well. It has to be organic and unforced for me now. I’ll just capture what they’re doing already, documentary style. Sometimes when I’m documenting, I’ll ask them to do something specific, but if they don’t want to then that is that. I want them to know that I respect their right to say ‘no.’ But I think everyone knows their own kids best. If it’s fun and they love participating in the creative process I think it can work really well.” – Laura Barr
“I think it is OK to do a mix of art and everyday photos. I’ve found the most important thing is to read my kids. If they are willing to participate in a more art-style photo and are having fun then I don’t think it’s problematic. We also have family photo albums filled with everyday photos. Like anything with parenting, I think it’s all how we frame it and the attitude we have about it.” – Amber Didier
“The most important things are involving in the process, being playful throughout the shoot, and offering up lots of praise.” – Holly Long
“If I have a vision for a shoot I ask my kids to help me plan it. I tell them what I want to do and ask them about what they want to do. The most important things are involving them in the process, being playful throughout the shoot, and offering up lots of praise.” – Holly Long
“All told, I don’t really think it’s how we take photos that will give our children insecurities. It is other things. Mostly, they pick up from how we behave and what we prioritize. If you really see and validate a child, they will feel that. If you actually want things in your life to be picture perfect, and stress when they aren’t, photographer or not, they feel that too.” – Sarah Hodges
“I always ask my daughter (age 11) if I can take her photo. She usually says yes. Also, I ask her before I post to social media. She usually says yes. I don’t ask her to change clothes or anything, I photograph her as she is. Her hair is a mess, her clothes are maybe what I wouldn’t choose. And maybe, as a result, my images aren’t exactly what we would consider “fine art.” But it’s her. It’s true. And I’m good with that. I want to empower her to love who she is. And she IS beautiful. She IS smart. She IS creative and amazing. And I hope that comes through, at least a little, in my photographs. – Eileen Critchley
5 Ways photographer moms and dads can help their children feel confident and worthy through photography.
1. Get the kids involved in concept development as much as execution.
2. Keep photo shoots playful, light, and fun.
3. Follow their lead. Photograph them doing activities they love.
4. Offer loads of praise.
5. Respect when the kids aren’t feeling it. When they’re done, be done.
More conversations for photographer moms and dads:
Is perfectionism holding you back from being the artist you were meant to be?
Truthful photography can make our pain into our superpower
8 Self-care strategies photographers (and moms) can use during stressful times
How I used photography as therapy to heal after a traumatic life experience
Just say NO to cheese: 3 Simple ways to get natural smiles in photos every single time
