Capturing the beauty and breath of my subject’s spirit has always been my goal with photography. That is what makes the camera an instrument of healing. Consider the opportunity we are given through our photography.
For someone to find healing, that person must first acknowledge her need, and be willing to risk being vulnerable. All of us can think of friends who have been deeply hurt, and even after years of friendship, they still struggle to let their walls down. And yet, a camera has he potential to walk right through those walls. Without knowing the prior history of or having a relationship with the subject, the photographer has the opportunity to show through our images how beautiful she is just as she is.
Photographing spirit
A number of years ago, my husband Brian and I were photographing a wedding in Colorado. The bride had spared no expense to make it a memorable event for all the guests flying in. On the morning of the wedding, I found the bride having her hair and makeup done. Spotting me, she waved to me to come closer, asking the ladies to pause so she could have a moment to talk with me. I assumed she was going to go over her list of must-have shots, but instead, she looked at me with wide, innocent eyes and said, Do you think I look beautiful?
This successful, beautiful bride, who always walked with her chin up and shoulders back, was giving me access to her heart. She hadn’t asked if she looked beautiful, but if she was beautiful. In that powerful moment, I took her hand and said, That is why I’m here. To show you that no matter how perfect your dress, makeup, hair, even the décor are, it’s the spirit of who you are that is beautiful. That’s what I’m going to prove to you today with my camera. She nodded with relief, as if she had been hoping that I would see past all the external and not miss her.
A mom in New York City had taken her 3-month-old baby girl to visit her parents in Florida. As she was driving along in the rental car, a truck driver driving the opposite direction fell asleep at the wheel and collided with her head on. The car rolled half a dozen times. The baby was protected by the infant car seat, but the mother’s neck was broken and she was helicoptered out. When I met her 3 months later for our photo session, she was feeling unsure of the shoot. She explained that her hair had always been thick and long, but the doctors had shaved her head for surgery. It was finally growing back, but was still uncomfortably short. Her hair had become symbolic of the many losses the accident had caused. Due to her injuries, among other things, she was unable to hold her baby for more than a few minutes at a time. None of this was what she’d pictured in her role of new motherhood. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted her daughter to have photos in which her mother barely recognized herself.
This mom wasn’t alone in her concerns. When a camera is aimed at us, many of us fear the photos will capture everything we don’t like about our self.
We want to look nothing less than our best, but sometimes our best isn’t about the outward appearance. Sometimes a photograph is about capturing the resilience of the human spirit, no matter how messy it may look. I told that mom that I wanted to capture a portrait of her inner strength and deep love for her daughter, that this moment was the story, and this story was worth remembering. She could set aside her neck brace for only a few minutes at a time, and the three of us slowly worked through one of the most powerful photo shoots I’ve ever experienced, with fearless love being the theme of the story. At the end of the session, she hugged me and thanked me. I could tell by the renewed light in her eyes that she knew the images would hold great meaning asher present story; and the present story is always the most powerful one to capture because healing lives in the present moment.
As photographers, we’re sometimes playing a mixed role as counselor, friend and artist. We enter the client’s home with the goal of capturing the beauty of her everyday. But to recognize the beauty, we must be able to see the pain, just as to see the light, we must be able to see the shadows that define the light. So how do we create an atmosphere that allows us to capture images that hold deeper meaning to ourselves and our subjects? How do we bring healing to our subjects with the camera? We must do the heart work for ourselves.
The more we are able to accept our own pain and imperfect process, the more space we create for others to feel accepted. If we are focused on perfection, our clients will feel an expectation of perfection, regardless of what we say with our words. We can’t secretly strive for perfection and then tell our subject to relax and simply be themselves. I believe they hear the contradiction on a subconscious level — how can we lead someone to a place we’ve never been? But when we’re fully committed to our own healing journey, we can lead our subjects to a place where it can begin for them.
Capturing inner beauty
The most important photo shoot I’ve ever done was two years ago. Pascaline, my daughter, was 14 years old. She had just completed designing and sewing her first dress from scratch, and I thought we should celebrate with a photo shoot of her wearing it. Throughout the shoot, we laughed as I guided her with simple, step-by-step instructions of how to relax in front of the camera. When we were done, we began going through some of the photos. After flipping through a dozen of them, she looked at me and said, Is that really me? Is my smile really that beautiful? Everything in me wanted to cry. Her question was so genuine and raw.
As a professional photographer, I’ve learned one powerful truth. Everyone, whether a mother of young children, a bride on her wedding day, a teenager dealing with hormones and peer pressure, even a professional model, we all fear the same afraid of the same thing: That the camera trained on them will capture all the things we don’t like about ourselves.
But as photographers, we can help guide our subjects to a place of healing and confidence. By capturing the beauty of the present moment, we validate our subjects’ voice and worth. Instead of aiming for things to look perfect, we can look for the vulnerabilities and discover the strengths that heal them.
When Pascaline and I trekked out into that open field one Texas-hot summer day, I knew we wanted beautiful photos of her first creation. But I didn’t realize how deeply she needed to see the beauty of her spirit, her smile, her unfolding femininity. Something in her shifted that day. A lightness replaced a heaviness. There was no question that this was the most important photo shoot I’d ever done. There was no question that my camera was once again an instrument of healing.
Me Ra Koh, Disney’s Photo Mom and Sony Artisan of Imagery, is the bestselling author of Your Family in Pictures. Founder of the CONFIDENCE Photography Workshops for women since 2007, she is currently filming a family travel show with her husband and two teenagers called Adventure Family. Find her at youtube.com/adventurefamily.
Photos by Me Ra Koh
This article first appeared in the January/February 2018 print issue of Click Magazine. Order print or digital single issues from the Click & Company Store. Or better yet, get a 1-year subscription so you never miss an issue!
